Questions et réponses

21-11-2024

Hello,

You have realized that you are facing a situation of intimate partner violence, where your partner is psychologically abusing you. You want a dignified and peaceful life for yourself and your son, and have decided to take action by reaching out to us.

First of all, we'd like to thank you for your trust and for sharing part of your story with us. We understand that it takes a lot of courage to write to us. Our association, which specializes in intimate partner violence, is able to answer your questions on this topic and provide you with appropriate support resources. However, as we do not specialize in job-search assistance, we are unfortunately unable to provide you with specific advice or support in this area.

If you don’t mind, we’d like to ask you a few introspective questions:

• In this difficult situation you are facing, what qualities or strengths have helped you hold on so far?
• Who, in your circle or elsewhere, could support you, even a little?

The situation you’ve described strongly aligns with the cycle of abuse. This mechanism, characteristic of domestic violence, manifests as alternating cycles of violent outbursts, such as when your partner threatens to stop helping you financially, and phases of justification, where he apologizes for his behavior and promises not to do it again. As you’ve noticed yourself, despite the many excuses and promises, the cycle of violence does not stop. On the contrary, it may intensify over time, with episodes of violence becoming increasingly severe. Recognizing this pattern and seeking help, as you are doing today, is an important first step toward change.

The threat you are facing, where your financial support is at risk and you are threatened with being left penniless, is a form of violence known as economic violence. This type of violence may be less obvious than others, but its impact is still very real. The difficulties you describe, such as trouble sleeping, the need to take valerian to calm yourself, and frequent crying, are direct consequences of the abuse you are enduring. You have the right to live a life free from fear, without constant threats of financial deprivation, and without the ongoing pressure you are currently under

As a mother, you may also be concerned about the impact this violent behavior might be having on your son. Even if he is not directly subjected to the threats, he may still sense your distress or perceive the tense atmosphere, which could affect his well-being. Like you, your son has the right to grow up in a peaceful and secure environment, where you both can feel free and at peace.

You are not alone, and there are professionals in the canton of Berne who can support you with your situation. Below is an address that has helped people in situations similar to yours.

Have you heard of victim support centers? In the canton of Berne, you can contact the LAVI Centre. These centers can assess your situation and offer you legal, financial, or material support tailored to your needs. The services of LAVI centers are free and confidential, and you can also have an interpreter present during your consultation to facilitate communication. You can contact the Bern LAVI Centre at 031 370 30 70 or by email at beratungsstelle@opferhilfe-bern.ch.

We hope that our response will be helpful to you and that it will encourage you to take the necessary steps to return to a more peaceful life. Please do not hesitate to contact us again if you have any further questions or if you would like to update us with any news.

With our best regards,